Natural ways to delay ejaculation (2)
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Before you read, note that this work belongs to Funmi Akingbade and lifted by this medium from Punch Newspaper.
Lifelong premature ejaculation starts early. This usually occurs when as a teenager, you start experimenting with sex and experiencing first sexual contact with under-developed sexual capacity. Ideally, teenager hood period is the last stage of the sexual formative period, it is not a good time to start off sex; this is the late stage of the sexual parts of all the sexual organs. There is a need for those organs to fully develop all their sexual capacity before addictively engaging such organs in active services.
This type of premature ejaculation case is usually harder to treat and often has deeper psychological causes. Bad habits may also contribute (such as masturbating to ejaculate as fast as possible in order to avoid getting caught).
Acquired PE happens later in life and is usually triggered by either psychological (stress or relationship issues) or physical causes (diabetes or high blood pressure, use of substances like marijuana, smoking, eating of synthetic food items, untreated ulcer diseases, some blood type groups, consumption of alcohol, some side effects of some drugs, some local herbal substances, obesity, mid-life-year-crisis).
Acquired PE suddenly begins in a man who has had normal sexual performance up until then.
We also have variable – PE that occurs irregularly and inconsistently, perhaps with one partner or only with specific partners. This is the most dangerous type and it is extremely difficult to treat.
We also have subjective PE – a condition in which a man thinks he experiences PE, but a medical doctor or sex therapist determines that there is no issue. This is psychosomatic in nature and it is easily treatable. When the mindset is well, handling every issue of premature ejaculation becomes a walkover.
This is an old school method most of our forefathers used in their relationships; it is simple but highly effective. But many husbands ignore it. Never ignore but take good care of your wife’s foreplay need. Longer foreplay can help increase satisfaction of your wife as well as delay your ejaculation. Longer foreplay can improve your relationship by reducing dissatisfaction, frustration and performance-related anxiety.
Be aware that the more pressure men feel during sex, the more likely they are to suffer from PE, but when you take time to give and enjoy giving your wife heavy erotic and breathtaking foreplay, you both will develop a good communication.
And good communication will help you overcome many issues and any discrepancies between your desires and those of your wife.
Good communication also helps you to focus on other sexual pleasures: this can decrease anxiety and help you gain better control over your ejaculation.
During heavy and stimulating foreplay, you and your wife should try breathing deeply together during sex. While both of you are breathing deeply together, you, the husband, should try controlling your breathing. Then go for deep, long breaths. Breathe in through the nose and out from the belly. This is surprisingly effective and relaxing, and automatically helps to delay ejaculation.
One way to get even with premature ejaculation is for couples to cultivate the habit of getting naked together when alone with full privacy in view. Not just when you’re having sex, but around the house. It has been discovered by sex therapists that when husbands get to see their wives’ luscious body a lot, it will most times not get him quite as excited and that might help him keep going during sex until they are both satisfied in bed. However, with this way, I always tell wives to come up with something new and be creative so that they will still turn him on. He will not get tired of seeing your body. This simply gets him used to having a hot wife and keeps him from being overly aroused when you’re getting it on.
Another way is to slow down the tempo and pace of your thrusting in and out. This technique requires you to slow the pace of pelvic thrusting and varying the angle and depth of penetration before the “point of no return.” When done in conjunction with engaging your pelvic muscles, this approach becomes very effective.
You can also try climax control condoms. This has been specially designed in such a way that with or without sensitivity, you can delay premature ejaculation at your own pace.
This is because men with PE condition cannot identify the feelings that happen right before orgasm – this is the point of no return. In other words, men with PE are unable to recognise that they are about to come until it’s too late. This makes it difficult for them to pace themselves and prevent ejaculation from happening too soon, which also means that their stamina never has a chance to improve. But with climax control condom, this can be achieved.
Do all you can to keep calm and breathe. If you find yourself breathing too fast and shallow, or making more noise than usual when breathing, it could be a sign you’re getting closer to the point of no return. Fortunately, you can reduce your arousal by controlling your breathing during sex. Breathe IN slowly for four seconds. HOLD for four seconds. Then breathe OUT for four seconds. If you can maintain this pattern, especially when feeling more aroused, it can help you stay in control of your body.
One of the reasons some positions are better for control is because it’s easier to stay relaxed in them. If you notice yourself tensing your stomach muscles, thighs and buttocks especially, then try to relax instead. If you lie on your back with your wife on top, it’ll be much easier to stay relaxed, and you should find you can breathe deeper and get back in control again.
Relax your mind. Relaxing the mind is a trickier beast to pin down. According to sex therapists, if you go into sex worrying about coming too soon, you’re more likely to do so. So, try using positive affirmations during sex to relax yourself. I know it’s easier said than done, but it’s not impossible. Tell yourself you’re a good lover, feel calm that everything is just fine.
I would appreciate men to know that there is a condition called androgen deficiency, a problem of low testosterone level in the body. This is a condition where men experience a decline in the reproduction of the male hormone testosterone with aging, but this also occurs with a disease like diabetes. Along with decline in testosterone, some men experience symptoms such as fatigue, weakness, depression and sexual/erectile problems.
Unlike menopause in women which represents a well-defined period in which hormone production stops completely, testosterone decline in men is a slower process. The testes, unlike the ovaries, do not run out of the substance it needs to make testosterone. A healthy male may be able to produce sperm well into his eighties or longer.
It is also relatively easy to diagnose menopause in women – their menstrual period stops. Diagnosing decreased testosterone level in men is trickier and requires a blood test to check the level. So, consequently, the condition often goes undetected. That is why I always recommend that men close to 40 should undergo PSA test (Prostate-specific antigen test).
Definitely, loss of testosterone in men leads to testosterone deficiency, which has a bad impact on a man’s ego and takes toll on his health. Among other potential causes of testosterone deficiency are: injury or infection to the testicles, chemotherapy or radiation treatment, genetic abnormalities such as extra x chromosome, too much iron in the body, dysfunction of the pituitary gland, medications, stress, and alcoholism.
Of the estimated 4 to 5 million men with low testosterone, only 5 per cent are currently being treated. About one in every 10 men between the ages of 40 and 60 has low testosterone. Among men over the age of 60, the numbers jump to one in every 5 men, according to researchers. The handy treatment is TRT – Testosterone Replacement Therapy, but some schools of thought have queried whether it is healthy or needful.
A few numbers of studies have shown that TRT in men who have low levels of the hormone may improve libido, enhance sexual performance/ function, increase bone mineral density, increase muscular mass/strength, and help improve mood; however, the adverse effects of TRT outnumber the advantages. One of them is sleep apnea, a potentially serious sleep disorder in which breathing repeatedly stops and starts. TRT causes the body to make too many red blood cells, which can increase the risk of heart disease. It causes acne or other skin reactions, stimulates noncancerous growth of the prostate and possibly stimulates growth of existing prostate cancer, enlarges the breasts, limits sperm production and causes testicle shrinkage. So, if you are considering testosterone therapy to help you feel younger and more vigorous as you age, know the risks before you make your decision.
There are the second categories of men who have low level of testosterone, not because of aging but because of a disease called hypogonadism, a condition in which the body is unable to produce normal amounts of testosterone due to a problem with the testicles or with the pituitary gland that controls the testicles.
Testosterone is a hormone produced primarily in the testicles. It helps maintain men’s bone density, fat distribution, muscle strength, mass red blood cell production, sex drive and sperm production. Testosterone peaks during adolescence and early adulthood.
As man gets older, his testosterone level gradually declines typically about one per cent a year after age 30. It is important to determine in older men if a low testosterone level is simply due to the decline of normal aging or if it is due to a disease (hypogonadism). TRT can improve the signs and symptoms of low testosterone in men with hypogonadism case with fewer side effects than in old age men.
Testosterone therapy can help reverse the effects of hypogonadism, but it’s unclear whether testosterone therapy would have any benefit for older men who are otherwise healthy.
Many also want to know if testosterone therapy helps increase sex drive in women. Well, research shows that testosterone hormone does impact sex drive as well as remedies other sexual problems in certain women with sexual dysfunction. But the long-term safety of testosterone therapy for women is unknown. Testosterone therapy usually is prescribed only for women who have low libido but sufficient estrogen levels.
Testosterone is one of the best sex hormones present in both gender but more pronounced in men. It regulates mood and fuels up sex drive. A slow drop in testosterone is a normal part of aging. Low testosterone can cause visible changes in some men, such as thinner muscles, loss of body hair, smaller, softer testicles, and larger breasts. As testosterone level drops in a man, the bones may get thinner, weaker, and more likely to break. Less energy, mood changes and poor concentration are a sign of low testosterone.
A drop in testosterone level doesn’t always interfere with sex, but it can make it more difficult for a man’s brain and body to get aroused. Some men may notice a drop in libido, while others may lose interest in sex completely. Low testosterone can also make it tougher to get or keep an erection. Testosterone helps a man’s body make sperm. When levels of the hormone are low, his sperm “count” can be low too. Without enough sperm, he may not be able to father a child.
Questions and answers
I have lost hope in him and his penis. What should I do?
It is sad but the truth is that banana is stronger than my husband’s penis. When we newly got married, all went well sexually. The penis was hard, strong and active, but lately what I noticed is that my husband’s penis shrinks inside him by the day. As if that is not enough, it takes him ages to get aroused and sometimes he may never ‘get up’. Then as soon as we are celebrating his arousal, he goes softer like an overripe banana. I am fed up; I need you to get me a vibrator. I am not sure things can ever get better because it has been like this for years. I have lost hope in him and his penis. For me, his penis is just a decoration and nothing more. Please, do not preach to me; just get me a good vibrator.
Mrs. Odopolo Ejiro
Hi Odopolo, you said when you were newly married; sex was ‘ebano.’ Now that things are not rosy, you want to back out? No! Please, before you resign to fate, both of you can visit a sex therapist together. Remember the marriage relationship is for better, for worse. I am certain both of you can weather the storm together and get a permanent solution to the problem.
Can I really cope with this arrangement?
I am an ardent reader of your column. I appreciate your prowess. But can I really cope with this arrangement? I love my wife and we have a wonderful marriage and a fantastic sex life. But whenever she is pregnant, we MUST abstain from sexual activities. The reason is that few years ago, we had a premature baby but lost the baby after few weeks in spite of all medical interventions and experts’ skills. And shortly afterwards, we lost another pregnancy. On the basis of this, the doctor advised we should abstain from sex whenever my wife is pregnant. This really worked when a new baby was added and we eventually became parents. The joy of the new addition of children really did not make me feel the burden of the instruction against sex whenever my wife was pregnant. But recently, anytime she is pregnant, I struggle a lot to keep to the commandment of the doctor. Now she’s pregnant, although I have abstained from sex as previously advised, my problem is that I find it so difficult to handle or control my urge for sex. As a matter of fact, my urges are becoming unbearable; I don’t want to engage in extramarital affairs and I get irritated with the idea of masturbation. What is the alternative?
Mr. Bisilimu, due to the fact that the joy of having a healthy baby born to the family is very important in the union, yet it does not rule out the fact that your sexual urges are important. But from the look of things, it seems that you have to pick between sex and going through the stress you went through during the first pregnancy. However, there are other ways you can manage your sexual urges with your wife while she is pregnant.
One, both of you can engage in heavy romance – foreplay and caressing –while you can replace her vagina with her inner thighs. Thereby, you will still wisely, carefully with all discretion, engage in your usual sexual activities but this time around, your point of ejaculation will not be her vagina but in-between her thighs. However, this has to be with doggy style position while both of you are securely lying on the bed.
Secondly, she can perform a blow job on you in a very comfortable position considering the fact that her extreme comfort matters.
FROM THE TOWER OF TRUTH
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